Disclaimer - "Male" versus "Female"

In the mid '90s Rob Becker, a stand-up comedian and lover of anthropology, created a one man play about the differences between men and women called "Defending the Caveman". (http://www.defendingthecaveman.com) It is hilarious and I recommend it for any couple in a long-term relationship. The longer you've been in your relationship, the funnier (and truer) you will find it to be.

Rob and I spoke one time about his play I asked him if he felt his observations about men and women applied to gay couples also. He said they did because he felt that even in same sex relationships you will have a male and a female (i.e. someone who is predominantly male and someone who is predominantly female in their behavioral traits).

When it comes to gender behaviors in humans, the "norm" is that we display a mixture of both gender traits. Why? Because the development of gender in a person is not a black or white proposition. Rather it is a series of chemically triggered events starting about 6 weeks after conception and going into puberty. The success, failure or effectiveness of each of these events is what determines if and how much we develop certain physical and mental gender traits.

For the first six weeks of development, human embryos grow in a basically gender-neutral route, a blob of cells with unlimited potential. During that time, the embryo makes gonads of no particular sex, just a foundation for what will come. Human embryos have at least one X chromosome with about 2,500 to 5,000 genes. These genes include controls for such things as muscle development, blood clotting and color coding. If it gets another X (from the father) it now has essentially a backup. If it gets a Y instead, it gains approximately another 15 genes. Within that Y is a trigger for turning the embryo in the male direction.1 Without this Y trigger (Testis Determining Factor), the embryo heads in the female direction. But this is just the beginning. From that initial triggering, chemicals have to be released to develop body components that will in turn release other chemicals. Some of these chemicals cause body components to grow and others to shrink away. If the body components do not develop or function properly, if chemicals get released but have different effects, or if they don't get released at all, the resulting human will have a varying amount of gender characteristics.

This delicate process of gender triggering events and the effectiveness of each event is why in the entire spectrum of humans we have manly men like Clint Eastwood and girlie men like Richie Rich. We have girlie girls like Audrey Hepburn and butch acting women like Rosie O'Donnell. You can find people with both sets of genitals (hermaphrodites), "girls" who turn into "boys" when puberty kicks in (from failure of the enzyme 5-alpha-reductase to initially build a penis & scrotum), "boys" with XY chromosomes who develop a clitoris, labia, shallow vagina and breasts (Testicular Feminization Mutation) and many other mixtures of male and female traits. These triggering events also affect the gender development of the brain, separate from those of the body. This is why some anatomically correct "men" feel like they are women and visa versa.2

The reason I mention all this is so you understand that when I talk about how men and women behave, I not making a definitive statement about only those people with the specific plumbing for that gender. Instead I am referring to behaviors, actions and perspectives generally associated with, and predominantly exhibited by, properly developed "males" and "females". (i.e. when all the triggers work and we have a "man" or "woman" according to the intended biological design.) So as you read through this blog, even if you are in a same sex relationship, you should be able to recognize the "male" and "female" behaviors discussed throughout this blog, in yourself or your partner.

As you read through this blog, also keep in mind that the behaviors exhibited by males and females are just a basis of behaviors, actions or perspectives and can be drastically altered by all the other factors that also affect how humans think and act. (These factors will be discussed in length later in this blog.)

1. Sex on the Brain by Deborah Blum
2. Brain Sex by Anne Moir & David Jessel