Introduction (The Purpose Of This Blog)

Marriage and long-term relationships don't need to be difficult. They are however, because people don't understand the mixture of influences that affect human behaviors, attitudes and perspectives. It is this lack of understanding of ourselves and others that typically turns the simplest of interactions into disagreements, misunderstandings, resentment, hurt feelings, dissatisfaction and anger.

The mixtures of influences affecting human behaviors are many. They can include such factors as genetics, gender, biology, physiology, anthropology, chemistry, memories, traumas, psychology, culture, social status, experiences and/or upbringing. Being unaware, or denying, that these can impact how humans interact is one of the most common reasons for those confusing situations where a "normal comment" or "natural reaction" quickly sparks a conflict with a partner.

So how does a person become aware of the influences that affect their behaviors, attitudes and perceptions, and those of others? THAT is the difficult part. Even if you spent every waking moment with another person, you can't possibly know the associations their minds are making, how they are interpreting events, what memories are coloring their perceptions and in general what's happening in their minds and bodies that will manifest themselves during future interactions. The same is true for us. We have lived with ourselves since our birth, yet we are not consciously aware of all the associations, interpretations of events, traumatic experiences and physical and mental factors that continue to build our attitudes, behaviors and perspectives.

The first step toward an awareness of these influences is the acceptance that they exist. This is a big step. Quite often partners are quick to dismiss explanations for annoying behaviors as "just an excuse" when there is typically a very real and valid reason for them. Maybe this dismissive attitude takes less mental energy than understanding would, but in the long run, dealing with an annoying behavior that continues can take much more energy overall.

The purpose of this blog is to help you increase the awareness of many of these influences and how they manifest themselves in typical behaviors, attitudes and perceptions. Hopefully by doing this, you will be able to identify ones from your own life and piece together your own mixture of influences. Armed with this knowledge you should then be able to better understand yourself and why you behave, think and act certain ways in your relationships. You should also be able to see why others behave the ways they do. Ideally this new understanding will help you to make more informed and conscious behavioral choices in your relationships and avoid the behaviors, attitudes and perceptions that lead to unrewarding, non-productive and sometimes dangerous interactions with others.

It is not my intention to discourage anyone from participating in marriage or long-term relationships. Rather it is to prepare you for those interactions so that you will enter them with opened eyes, have a good idea of what to expect and know how to handle potentially confusing or frustrating situations when they arise.

Lastly, I'm calling this blog "straight talk" for good reason. My target audience are mature adults who have opened their minds to any explanations that will help them better understand themselves and their partners. So I'm not going to waste your time by sugar coating my answers. My explanations will always be direct and honest even if they are sometimes uncomfortable to read. But in the end, it is those kinds of answers that will leave you with a much clearer understanding of what can cause marriages to go sour and what to do to avoid that fate.